How I Relate to Mxmtoon’s Music
It’s a hot summer night in Los Angeles county. The Greek Theater, an outdoor amphitheater in the well-known Griffith park, is nowhere near the size of the arenas most big-name pop stars play at. But for the packed crowd, it’s perfect for tonight’s performance.
I peek over the few heads in front of me, still in awe by how close I am to the stage. I’m hesitant about being here, because while I know the final performer of tonight’s lineup well, I’m only familiar with a few songs by the singer who’s up next.
My doubts disappear when a young woman with short hair takes the stage, a smile on her face and ukulele in hand. The crowd cheers, and I find myself cheering along with them. Her set begins and the audience is singing (and screaming) along with joy. By the time she begins playing the one song I do know, I’m grinning and bouncing up from my seat.
As the chorus arrives and I’m loudly singing the lyrics, “I’m sitting here, crying in my prom dress,” I realize I’ve never felt so connected to a performance before. Ironic, since I skipped my own prom in high school. But maybe it’s my close proximity to the singer, or the similar excitement shared by everyone around me. I feel as if this was a song I was meant to love.
This is the power of mxmtoon’s songs.
Mxmtoon is an alternative indie pop musician, whose songs often feature a ukulele and upbeat themes that contrast some of the sadder lyrics. She’s only 24 now, and started her career when she was still a teenager. The songs she writes are about many of her own insecurities and personal experiences that listeners can relate to.
On stage, she’s very energetic and kind, always taking the chance to express her gratitude to her audience. She’s definitely the kind of person you’d want to be friends with, and her down-to-earth demeanor is one thing her fans really love about her.
“Prom Dress,” released in 2019, is one of mxmtoon’s most famous songs to date, with over 287 million listens on Spotify. The sadder-sounding song is about not being able to enjoy prom because you’re busy reflecting on all the missed opportunities in life.
The song greatly reflects mxmtoon’s own introvertness, which she’s discussed before. Lyrics like, “I can’t help the fact I like to be alone” and “I tend to handle things usually by myself,” sound like reassurances to fellow introverts listening, letting them know that they’re understood. I find myself relating to this song, not only as an introvert, but as someone neurodivergent.
The lyrics “My demeanor is often misread,” hit very close to home for me. They can be interpreted in many ways, but for me, they reflect my difficulties in social situations and how hard it is to express myself. I’ve been in situations where I meant to say something funny or reassuring, but ended up being judged. I’m also very quiet and reserved, and people sometimes avoid me because of it. I often look back on these moments, wondering if I could have handled myself better. I find myself thinking of the lyric, “I hold so many small regrets.”
Another one of mxmtoon’s songs, “Mona Lisa”, which was released in 2022, was also quite popular for a while. It blew up last summer after being featured in an episode of the hit Netflix series “Heartstopper.” Hearstopper, based on the graphic novels by Alice Oseman, is a beloved queer story about two secondary school (high school) boys falling in love. The show has become beloved for its positive queer representation, and most of the songs used are created by queer artists.
Mxmtoon is bisexual, and her fanbase seems to be predominantly queer. At the concert, she asked the audience if anyone was part of the LGBTQ+ community, and most of the crowd, including me, cheered loudly in response. “Mona Lisa’s” lyrics aren’t inherently about her experience being queer, but the song fits perfectly for the warm, sunny scene it’s featured in on the show.
When Heartstopper watchers heard the song, many new fans fell in love with mxmtoon’s music, and plenty of old fans rejoiced hearing her familiar voice on the show they loved. I watched the episode the song was featured in not long after seeing her in concert and screamed with delight when I recognized the song as one I’d just seen performed live.
Some of the lyrics of “Mona Lisa” that really stand out to me are, “I'm so tired of being a book on the shelf/Tired of stories for somebody else” and “I wanna feel like I finally matter.” As a writer, I find myself understanding the first set of lyrics. I spend so much time trying to create stories where I can craft a perfect, happy ending, but trying to find a happy ending myself feels impossible. I have no way of controlling the plot of my life, nor can I magically rewrite something anytime I make a mistake.
But getting too stuck in fictional worlds makes me feel like I’m neglecting myself. Sometimes I feel that what I’m doing is so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things and not nearly as important as what’s going on inside my head. Self-worth issues and identity crises are frighteningly common, and I know I’m not the only one who relates to these lyrics. In the end, everyone wants to feel like they’re important. They want to be, as the song says, a Mona Lisa.
It isn’t just mxmtoon’s music I find myself loving, but the community she’s created as well. During the concert, everyone seemed so friendly and joyful, and being around them made me feel a bit lighter than air. I found it funny that while many of her fans related to the introverted themes of her songs, they still came out to shout and cheer as loudly as possible for their favorite artist. That night made me, and many others, very happy.
Mxmtoon’s music is the kind that, when you listen to it for the first time, you know it was something you were meant to hear. Her songs sometimes feel like the themes for my life, and I rarely find myself connecting to music the way I do with hers. I’m planning on seeing her perform again very soon, and I have a feeling I’ll be as happy as I was the first time I saw her live.